


Kindred Spirits - A   Banana Fish Soulmate AU

by ash_lynx04, PurplePirate83



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Eternal Bonds, Kindred Spirits, Loneliness, M/M, My soul is always with you, Overcoming Trauma, Sharing Pain, Sharing memories and thoughts via touch, Telepathic Bond, Telepathy, bound emotionally, feeling complete, painful memories, sending emotions and thoughts through the bond, sharing a half of one soul, sharing an unbreakable bond, two lost souls find comfort in each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:20:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27898993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ash_lynx04/pseuds/ash_lynx04, https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurplePirate83/pseuds/PurplePirate83
Summary: This is a story where everyone in this world has a soulmate. Eiji feels he has one, too, but unlike everyone else, he can’t communicate via telepathy with his soulmate. Maybe he’s different or something’s wrong with him...?After his pole-vaulting -accident, Eiji goes to New York with Ibe and suddenly someone starts talking to him telepathically.Will the two of them meet?If the two of them meet, will they get along?They’re soulmates but they still come from different worlds...
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx & Shorter Wong, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji, Okumura Eiji & Shorter Wong
Comments: 22
Kudos: 82





	1. Soul Bound But Worlds Apart

**Author's Note:**

> Many people liked my story about soulmates I wrote for Fictober and I had so much fun writing it, too, so decided to turn it into a little story of its own.
> 
> Please note that you already know the first chapter if you’ve read my soulmate story for Fictober. It will probably have 5 chapters but it could be more.

_An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle. But it will never break._

Eiji had grown up with this saying. In his world, everyone had a soulmate. All his classmates had one, his parents and his sister. Most people had a soulmate that didn't live far away, and they could communicate telepathically, just by sending thoughts or feelings to each other. They also heard if the other one was injured or scared, overjoyed or happy if the emotions intensified.

Now that he was going to school, he wondered why he couldn't communicate with his soul mate. His parents had tried to explain that a soul mate's bond was easier to connect to if both people sharing the bond lived next to each other. If his soul mate lived far away, maybe in another country, the bond was still there, but it was impossible to communicate telepathically. But you still noticed your soul mate's presence and could send emotions through the bond. Your soulmate was always present, like a little humming sound in the background.

Eiji hadn't believed his parents. He felt the presence of his soulmate, but it was faint, and he felt lonely because all the people around him could communicate with their soul mate, and they were best friends that shared everything. So Eiji often dreamed of meeting his soul mate and was convinced he would meet him one day.

One night, he woke up screaming. Tears streamed down his face while fear, panic and pain surged through him, making his whole body tremble while tears flowed down his face without knowing the reason.

After a moment, he realized that those horrible and intense emotions were coming from his soulmate. He was scared to death and was suffering so much that it affected him as well. Eiji felt that he was injured. The emotions were so intense that Eiji could feel the injuries and the pain on his body as well. Eiji felt the raw pain as if it were his own. It was nearly unbearable, and he wondered how much more his soulmate had to suffer. 

He curled up in a ball and hugged himself while he cried, and his whole body shook from that horrible experience. His soulmate's emotions were so intense, they overwhelmed him, and he couldn't control them. All he could do was cry himself to sleep. His parents didn't know what to do, either. In their country, people lived peaceful lives, and a soulmate that experienced traumatic events or physical pain was rare except for minor injuries or accidents. So their doctor had no advice either about how to handle this unique situation. 

His parents always ran to him and hugged him, assuring him they were by his side until he had calmed down. But at that point, he woke up screaming every night, and his parents grew worried.

One day, his mom asked him what he wanted to do. She assured him that if he could control the bond, he could also influence the emotions that came through to him from his soul mate's side. She also told him of the possibility to block his soul mate's emotions so that he wouldn't feel them anymore.

"No, I'll never do that!", Eiji exclaimed angrily. "My soulmate is suffering. I can't just block him when he goes through so much pain! I want to be there for him. What can I do to help him? To show him that he isn't alone?", he asked her desperately while tears streamed down his face.

His mom gently stroked his hair and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

"You're a good boy, Eiji. It's only natural that you want to help your soulmate. But please be careful. If emotions get too strong, they can affect you and your mental or physical health as well.", she explained to him while she looked at him with concern in her brown eyes.

"I can show you how to control emotions. Then, they wouldn't affect you this much."

When Eiji glared at his mom, she clarified it for him.

"If you're overwhelmed by his emotions, you can't help your soul mate. If you can control your bond, you can also control how much his emotions affect you personally. If you manage to do that, you can help your soulmate better. Eiji smiled happily at that. "Then, I'll try!"

"If you want to help your soul mate, try sending emotions to him. He'll always notice them. If he's suffering, intensify the feelings you're sending to him. Try to send calming and soothing emotions to him. They will help your soul mate even if he doesn't respond. You'll probably notice through the bond how he calms down or relaxes a bit, or falls asleep again.

Eiji nodded, wiping away his tears. "Thank you, mom. I'll try that next time."

"Your soulmate is lucky to have someone as kindhearted as you, Eiji. I'm sure he can feel your love, warmth and comfort through the bond."

_________________________

_ Seven years later _

Eiji had just landed in New York a couple of hours ago. Now, he was busy cleaning his new apartment while humming to himself cheerfully. After his pole vaulting accident, Ibe had offered him a job as his assistant in New York while finishing his degree in photography there.

_‘What are you so happy about?’_

Eiji was so shocked; he dropped the cup of coffee he had been holding, spilling the contents everywhere. Eiji sighed in frustration but was more interested in the question that had resonated through the bond.

That question had been transmitted through telepathy. How could that be? They couldn't communicate telepathically. But, now, he also noticed that their bond was stronger than before. He could feel more than a soft humming sound coming through the bond. He felt the emotions of his soulmate more clearly now. 

"What? How is that possible? I could never talk to you before!", Eiji exclaimed in pure surprise.

_'Sorry for scaring you. It's possible because you're closer to me now; I can feel it. Did you move somewhere else recently?'_

"Uh, yes, I moved to the US. In fact, I've just arrived today.", Eiji explained to him.

_'Then, it makes sense that our bond is stronger now. Because I'm American.'_

After a little pause, he continued, but Eiji could feel his amusement coming through the bond.

_'You do realize that you don't have to say everything out loud when talking to me, right?'_

_'Oh, sorry. I was too excited to realize that. I've always wanted to talk to you. What's your name?"_

_'Ash. What about you? Where are you from? And how old are you?'_

_'I'm Eiji, and I'm 19. I'm from Japan. What about you?'_

_'I'm 17. Where exactly did you move to in the US?'_

_'New York City.'_

_'Wow, it's a small world. I live in NYC.'_

“You do?”, Eiji exclaimed overjoyed. "Does that mean you can show me around? That I can meet you? What do you look like? I've always wanted to meet you!"

"You did?", Ash exclaimed in surprise. "After all I've done to you? Don't you hate me?", Ash asked him, this time aloud. Eiji felt his devastating sadness through the bond.

"What are you talking about? How could I ever hate my soulmate?', Eiji replied in surprise. "I don't know what happened to you, but the people hurting you are responsible, never you."

_'I just wished that I could have done more for you. I wanted to hug you and wipe your tears away. And punch the person who did that to you! I felt so powerless..._

_'Thanks. You really mean that. I can feel it through the bond. But I don't think I can meet you yet. I'm sorry. I have difficulties trusting people. You'll probably be disappointed in me anyway. I lead a dangerous and violent life on the streets. I don't want to drag you into this. You sound as if you have led a peaceful life in a nice neighborhood.'_

_'It's fine. I wanted to meet you, but it doesn't have to be now. I'll stay here for a year, at least. So, we can always meet later. But I'd love to talk to you more. I really enjoyed it.'_

_'Thank you for being so understanding. I'd like that. I enjoyed talking to you, too. I have to go now. Talk to you later. Welcome to New York. If you need some tips about New York, ask me anytime. I know some great places that aren't in any tourist guide.'_

_'Great! Thank you. Talk to you later.'_

__________________________

"Ash, what's wrong with you today? You're spacing out all the time. And I bet you haven't heard a word I've said!", Shorter scolded him while they had lunch at the Chang Dai, the restaurant Shorter's sister owned.

"If I didn't know you better, I would say you're in love.", Shorter teased him.

"Cut the crap, Shorter. Although this time, you're closer to the truth than you think...

"Spill it, Ash! What happened? You just looked as if you were communicating with your soul mate. But you're soulmate lives far away - "

Ash couldn't hide his small smile fast enough, so Shorter stared at him in surprise.

"Wait, does that mean you were communicating with your soulmate?", Shorter asked curiously.

_'You sound happy, Ash. Did something good happen?'_ Eiji's voice was transmitted through the bond.

_'Not really. My best friend just found out I can communicate with you. And now he's bugging me with questions.'_

_'I hope I can meet him one day. He sounds like a good friend. You're lucky to have him.'_

_'I guess so. He's a pain in the ass, but he's a good guy.'_

"You're doing it again! Ignoring me, I mean. You're a genius. Shouldn't you be able two handle two conversations at the same time?", Shorter asked him, shooting him a piercing glare.

Ash rolled his eyes. "I can only communicate with him since yesterday. I'm new to this, ok?"

_'Eiji, can I talk to you later? I can't focus on two conversations at once.'_

_'Ok. I have to check in with my counselor at college now anyway.'_

"My soul mate told me he'd like to meet you."

"I'd like to meet him, too. So why can you communicate all of a sudden? What's he like? Where's he from?", Shorter asked excitedly. When he didn't answer right away, Shorter grabbed his shoulders, shaking him.

"Spit it out, Ash. Tell me everything!" Ash sighed before pulling away from him. "Fine! Let go of me."

"His name is Eiji, and he's Japanese. He's 19 and has just moved to New York. He's pretty nice and has led a better life than we did. He studies photography."

"So, when will you meet him?", Shorter asked curiously.

"I won't. I'm a gang leader. I only put him in danger. Meeting him can't lead to anything good.", Ash said, sighing deeply.

"Your sad eyes tell something different. They reflect your desperate wish to meet him. So, just do it."

"He'll only be disappointed. I mean, just look at me and my torn clothes. I don't have anything to offer him. I'm a ruthless gang leader while he's a law-abiding citizen. It would never work out. When he hears the rumors about me, he'll stay away from me for sure. And if he ever learns about my traumatic past, he'll feel disgusted. I will save us both the trouble of going through all of that.", Ash explained, his eyes downcast and drowning in sorrow. 

"Sounds to me as if you're just too scared to meet him.", Shorter said, looking at him with concern.

"Shut up!" Ash stubbornly turned away from him.

"Ash, didn't you tell me how much your soulmate's help meant to you while you were raped and abused? How he gave you hope and the courage never to give up? How much he comforted you although he was living on a different continent? Someone who has done so much for you and has always helped you through those traumatic experiences would never be this shallow. He probably worried a lot about you and shared your pain with you all the time. So, I bet he does want to meet you.

"He does. But I put him through so much pain. He must have suffered a lot because of me. He could probably feel all the pain I felt. How can he ever forgive me?", Ash asked, sitting there with slumped shoulders. 

"What's there to forgive? It wasn't your fault. Eiji probably wanted to be there for you. To show you that you're not alone."

Ash nodded quietly. "He said something like that."

"You see? Ash, you are a kind and smart guy and a great friend. You deserve someone kind who accepts you the way you are. You went through a lot, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve a great soulmate. Please promise me you'll meet him."

Ash thought about it. He wanted to meet him. He sounded so kind, and all the emotions he felt through their bond were so cheerful and warm. It gave him new hope and cheered him up. But would it be alright..?"

"Ok, done. You'll meet your soulmate this evening at the Chang Dai.", Shorter said, holding up Ash's phone while grinning wickedly at him. There was a text message on the screen.

_Hey, I changed my mind about not meeting you. Do you have time this evening at 7 pm?_

_I'll pick you up if you tell me where you live. We can have dinner at a nice restaurant, I know, and talk."_

_Ash._

"What the fuck? What have you done?", Ash asked angrily while all color drained from his face.

Eiji was studying photography, so he had asked Ash for his number to send him some pics he had taken. Usually, Ash never gave his number to anyone, but this was his soulmate...

While he had thought about Shorter's advice, he had stolen Ash's phone and written a message to Eiji.

"Fuck, Shorter! I can't meet him this evening! I'll tell him that it was a mistake.", Ash said while beginning to write another message to Eiji on his phone.

Before he could send it, though, he received another message with Eiji's address and the following reply:

_Ash, I'm so happy you want to meet me! I'm free this evening. I really look forward to meeting you. I've always wondered what you look like. See you later!_

_Eiji_

Ash finally put away his phone and admitted defeat. Eiji was so excited to meet him; he could never cancel it again. It would break his heart. He could never do that to Eiji... Not after all he had done for him.

He had never given up because Eiji had sent him calming messages in those dark times, continually reminding him that he wasn't alone. And if he was perfectly honest, he wanted to meet him, too.

"Fine, you win. Thanks for always complicating my life. My life would be so boring without you." Ash smirked at him.

"Anytime. Now, you owe me."

_____________________

Eiji waited outside when a red motorcycle parked in front of him. He didn't need to see the face under the helmet to know that this was his soul mate. He had recognized it instantly through the bond.

When the guy got off his motorbike and took off his helmet, Eiji was stunned. He had never seen such golden hair before. When Ash looked at him for the first time, he just stood there, open-mouthed while he stared into the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. 

The guy looked like a supermodel: tall, slender body, golden hair and emerald eyes. Even the hoodie, his torn jeans and his red converse looked incredible on him.

When he had gotten over his initial surprise, he walked towards him, smiling.

"Hey, Ash. It's nice to meet you. I'm looking forward to this evening." Eiji beamed at him.

Ash smiled at him. "Yes, I feel the same. You look great - "

Before Ash had a chance to react, Eiji had thrown himself into his arms and hugged him. Ash had frozen up for a moment. Usually, touch instinctively made him cringe and pull out or slap the hand away because he related touch to violence and pain.

Still, when Eiji had hugged him, it felt completely different. His hug felt warm and cozy, and a fuzzy feeling rushed through him that he couldn't quite explain. He immediately felt protected and safe in his embrace. It just felt right and perfect. 

When Ash slowly pulled out of the hug, he looked into the most prominent and warmest brown eyes he had ever seen. They looked perfect in combination with theinnocent and overjoyed smile that he gave him. He had suddenly forgotten why he had been so scared to meet him.

Ash returned his smile before handing him a helmet.

"Have you ever been on a motorcycle before?"


	2. First Meeting - If We Only Had Been Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eiji and Ash finally meet and although Ash tries to warn Eiji not to get closer to him, they get along well and talk about their past lives. 
> 
> But then, Eiji suddenly asks an innocent question, unaware that it touches Ash’s traumatic past...
> 
> What will happen afterwards?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit traumatic at the end.
> 
> Rape and abuse are mentioned but not described explicitly. Please don’t read if the mere mentioning of rape triggers anything in you.

"Welcome to the Chang Dai, Eiji. Please choose anything you like. It's on the house.",Nadia welcomed him.

"Ash is like a little brother to me. I worry about that stubborn idiot a lot, so I'm thrilled he met his soulmate. Especially since he refuses to believe in the power of soulmates. Please take good care of him." Nadia teasingly ruffled his hair, and Ash ducked away from her. "Stop that! I'm not fourteen anymore."

Eiji grinned at his reaction. "Yes, I will. I promise. Thank you, Nadia."

When they sat down at a table, Shorter joined them. He grinned at Eiji. "It's nice to meet you. I'm Shorter. I'm glad Ash decided to meet you.", he added before casting a knowing glance at Ash, who glared at him in return.

Eiji looked at the two of them curiously before his gaze rested on Ash. "Why did you suddenly change your mind? I was really happy when I got your message but wondered what could be the reason."

"I didn't...", Ash muttered in a low voice. Shorter elbowed him in the ribs, and Ash grimaced before scowling at him.

"So, that probably means that you had something to do with Ash's decision to meet me, right?", he asked, eying Shorter with new interest.

"You could say that.", Shorter replied mysteriously. "Ash is too stubborn for his own good. I could see in his eyes that he wanted to meet you. He just needed a little push in the right direction."

"Thanks, Shorter, I owe you. I'm so happy that I could meet him. And you as well. Eiji beamed at both of them in that innocent way he had. Then his shoulders slumped a little as he sank deeper into his seat before he continued speaking, his tone accompanied by a hint of sadness. Or maybe loneliness?

"I don't know anyone else in New York yet. I feel a bit lost in a huge city like that. My hometown is much smaller."

_Although New York looks exactly like in CSI: New York!_

Ash suddenly burst out laughing until tears were pricking at his eyes. Shorter and Eiji both stared at him in bewilderment.

"Please tell me that you don't have all your knowledge about New York from TV series like CSI.", Ash asked him, still laughing. "That's so cute and dumb at the same time."

"Of course not!", Eiji pouted while his cheeks flushed red in embarrassment before he turned away from them. "I've also read some guide books about New York if you have to know. And how can you possibly read my thoughts?", he asked Ash in disbelief.

"It's easy if you send your thoughts to me. I think you've done so unintentionally when you cheered up again." Ash smirked at him. He began to enjoy himself, even if it was at his soulmate's expense.

"Don't worry, Eiji, we'll change that and show you around. You'll make more friends in no time. And now you have us. You'll be good for Ash. And if he wants to push you away, don't let him. He thinks he doesn't deserve you. Tell him he's wrong, ok?"

Shorter was interrupted when Nadia suddenly dragged a sour-looking Shorter along with her.

"Sorry, Eiji, but Shorter promised to help me in the kitchen. He'll join you later.", Nadia promised him.

"Learn to read the atmosphere. Give these two some time alone.", Ash heard her whisper to Shorter.

"You can join them later when we've finished preparing their meals. And when you've cleaned the kitchen as you promised me to.", she ordered while shoving him towards the kitchen. Ash could hear Shorter's complaints all the way to the kitchen and couldn't hide his grin.

"You're lucky, Ash. You have people who love you. Nadia is really nice, and I bet Shorter's a great friend, too." Eiji's gaze curiously wandered around the place before he looked at him again.

"Yes, I guess so.", Ash answered. "They're like a family to me."

"What about your parents?", Eiji asked carefully. Ash saw the uncertainty in his eyes. He could sense Eiji's worry resonating through the bond. He asked himself if this was a sore subject he shouldn't approach so soon after meeting him.

He would have told anyone else that it wasn't his damn business. Still, Eiji was his soulmate, and after all, he had done for him, after never abandoning him and always helping him out, especially in the darkest times of his life, he owed Eiji the truth and not some lame excuse or some standard platitudes.

"My mom ran away right after I was born, and my dad couldn't care less about me. My half-brother raised me, but he left me as well.", he said while sorrow darkened his green eyes. "I'm not worth it. I've just been a burden on everyone...", he muttered in a low voice. "Maybe even you thought so at times..."

"Ash, that's not true! I know I have only talked to you for a day or two, but I know you're a good and selfless person. I always felt your kind heart through the bond. I know you've gone through a lot, but I'm still so happy you're my soulmate. I've always wanted to help you, but there was only so much I could do with that great distance between us.", Eiji replied sadly, eyes downcast on the table. "I wish I could have done more for you."

"Thank you, Eiji. You've done everything you could and were always by my side. You're the only person who never abandoned me or gave up on me. But I still think it's a bad idea if you stay close to me. I've led a rough life on the streets where people's lives don't mean anything and crime and murder are common everyday occurrences.", Ash tried to explain the situation to him.

He had to push Eiji away, put some distance between them. He didn't want to pull Eiji into his messed up life. He'd only bring danger and misery to his soulmate. It was better to end this now before they got any closer...

His tactic to scare people away worked on most people. Ash had assumed that Eiji would be shocked, but instead, his eyes burnt brightly as he looked at him, clearly agitated. Eiji was neither afraid nor stunned. He was glaring at him furiously for a moment, his eyes shooting daggers at him. Then he took a deep breath as if realizing suddenly what Ash was trying to do, bent closer to him, and smiled knowingly.

"That won't work on me, Ash." Ash stared at him in surprise, then smirked at him.

"I've clearly underestimated you. I should have known better after everything we've been through together." Eiji just nodded at him.

"I honestly don't know what to do. I want you to stay away from me and my dangerous life. Yet, at the same time, I'd like to learn more about you. Your feelings coming through the bond are always so cheerful and happy. It always makes me relax, and it improves my mood." He could feel how a small smile flew across his face.

"That's great to hear. But now that I've finally met you, you won't get rid of me, so stop trying." Eiji gave him a fierce look that told Ash that any protest would prove futile.

"I haven't always been like that. I don't know if you could feel it through the bond. It's not even worth mentioning compared to your horrible experiences, but I had to overcome some difficulties as well."

"Yes, I did feel that. But I couldn't figure out exactly what had happened to you. I felt immense pain coming from you for just a short moment. Only once. After that, the pain was still there, but it slowly faded away. Like an injury or something similar. An accident? After that, your feelings were incredibly dark. You were devastatingly sad and desperate. I tried to send you some encouraging thoughts, but I guess you didn't notice..."

Eiji placed a hand on his. And for the first time, touch didn't trigger pain or some horrible memory within him. It didn't make him feel nauseous or disgusted. This time, it felt... right. Eiji's touch felt gentle and warm. It was soft, barely touching him, and gave him the option to pull away, indirectly asking for his consent.

He didn't feel the urge to resist or escape. Eiji's small gesture took away his dark thoughts and his loneliness. He looked up at Eiji and saw a new side of him. Maybe he was the light to his darkness. The dawn of a new life he had been looking for all this time...

Then, emotions rushed through him. But they weren't his own; they belonged to Eiji, Ash realized with a start as he looked at him in surprise. Eiji couldn't see it since he had closed his eyes and concentrated. He transferred his feelings of that moment to him, probably sensing Ash's doubt that he had been of any help. He stared at him in amazement when Eiji shared his feelings of that moment in time with him. Then he opened his eyes again.

"Could you feel it?"

Ash nodded slowly. "I didn't know if my thoughts had even reached you... I felt so useless as your soulmate..."

"No, Ash, you're wrong. As I've just shown you, I did feel your messages through the bond. It's probably the only reason why I recovered from my depression. You were continuously sending me encouraging thoughts and reminded me that I wasn't alone. Thanks. You saved me."

Eiji smiled softly at him, and he immediately felt relieved that Eiji had noticed his attempts to help him. He felt Eiji's pure emotions through the bond but seeing his face was something new to him. He had the warmest eyes he had ever seen. His features didn't hide anything; everything was honest and open when it came to Eiji. 

His feelings coming through the bond were just the same. It was refreshing and new that Eiji's emotions were so innocent and pure that Ash immediately felt the urge to protect him. He had only talked with him for half an hour but would already do anything for him. Was that a normal soulmate thing, or did they possess a special bond?, he secretly wondered.

"I'm glad I helped you. But what exactly happened to you, Eiji?"

"I was an athlete, a professional pole-vaulter. I even got a scholarship for college with it.", Eiji began. Ash felt his love for that sport, and a hint of pride was resonating through the bond.

"That's amazing, Eiji; I would never have guessed that you'd be a pole vaulter. If you got a scholarship, you must have excelled at it. But something must have happened, right?, Ash asked honestly while looking directly into his eyes. Sorrow darkened Eiji's eyes before he lowered his gaze and stared at his hands, which trembled slightly.

"Yeah, while pole vaulting, I twisted my ankle. That was the immense pain you've felt. It was so bad that I had to abandon my pole vaulting career forever and could never compete again. My college scholarship was also revoked. I thought my life was over.", he admitted honestly.

"Pretty pathetic, huh? You suffered so much more, but you never gave up." Ash was rendered speechless for a moment by that comment. Before he could find a reply to that, however, Eiji continued talking.

"Pole vaulting was my way to escape, to fly, to be free. It was my reason to live until then.", Eiji clarified with a dreamy look in his brown eyes.

Then, grief flooded his eyes as he looked at Ash.

Inside his soul, he felt Eiji's pain, his torment, and his deep regret of abandoning a sport he excelled at, and that was much more than just a hobby to him. For him, it had meant freedom, both personally and financially, since he had gained a scholarship with it. He also sensed an emptiness and a hint of loss, a part of himself that Eiji still missed, but that wouldn't come back to fill the void inside his heart.

Maybe he could replace it with something else while he was in New York... He was surprised at this thought, but when he saw Eiji's eyes filled with sadness, he wanted to make him smile again...

As if on cue, Eiji suddenly returned his gaze and smiled, as if he had read Ash's thoughts. He couldn't do that, right? Sometimes it seemed like it...

"After my accident, I got depressed and cut off all of my friends. Even my family. The people in our town looking at me with pity in their eyes only made it worse. I couldn't stand their looks anymore. Everyone told me that I should try something else, a new sport or hobby when pole vaulting had been my life. So, when Ibe asked me if I wanted to go to New York with him, I immediately said yes. It was a new start for me. A second chance."

"Eiji, I'm sorry. That must have been tough. It's a pity that we lived so far apart from each other. We could have helped each other out more in those times had we only been closer. I'm glad that you came to New York."

Eiji smiled at that. "Yes, me too. I was so surprised when you said you lived here. I thought that couldn't be a coincidence; it must be fate." He beamed at him in that innocent way he had that Ash couldn't resist.

"Let me show you something else. ", Eiji said, placing a hand on his again.

Then, suddenly pictures were flowing through his mind. Memories. Eiji's memories. He had closed his eyes for a moment in concentration. Ash could see his memories and the corresponding feelings from his pole vaulting accident as if standing next to him. He could see his accident, the weeks after that, his depression afterwards.

Ash also felt every little emotion from back then through the bond, and he finally realized that his feelings had reached Eiji. After receiving them, he slowly got over his depression. It wasn't perfect, but he was trying and slowly looked for options to go on.

"Have you seen it? Felt it?"

"Yeah. I didn't know you could do that. You seem to know much more about that soulmate thing. So, my emotions did help you. I'm relieved."

"I probably know more because Japan is a much smaller country. In Japan, most people have a soulmate that lives close by. Even if they live in different regions, it's not nearly as far apart as in the US, so that most people can use telepathy. So, I've learned a lot from my friends and family about soulmates just by observing them."

"I see. I don't know anyone besides Shorter, who has a soulmate that lives close. So, I'm pretty clueless about soulmates and how the bond works. Maybe you can teach me some things?" 

"Sure, that's why I'm here." Eiji replied softly before concern flooded his eyes again.

"Ash, what happened to you? What was all the pain I felt through the bond? I woke up screaming each night, and my parents were worried. They told me to block the bond to you so that I wouldn't feel your intense emotions anymore."

"You can block a bond? I didn't know you could do that, either. But you didn't, right? I could always feel your presence. Why didn't you? It would have been the easier option for you."

Ash had often wondered why Eiji had never left his side when he had to feel his torment, too. Yet, he had always felt his presence and has asked himself many times why he had never abandoned him...

Ash had been incapable of controlling his agony, so Eiji had suffered together with him. He had caused him so much pain, so why had he never given up on him..? It remained a mystery to him.

"How can you even ask that? I would never abandon my soulmate, especially if he suffered from such tremendous pain as you did!" Ash nearly flinched from the storm raging in Eiji's eyes as he glared at him. Then, Eiji sighed deeply. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to shout at you.", he apologized.

"I desperately wanted to help you, to show you that you're not alone. So my mom showed me how to control the emotions coming through the bond instead. That way, the emotions wouldn't overwhelm me, but you would still feel my presence, and I could be by your side."

"Eiji, you're the kindest person I've ever known. Thank you for always being there for me. I'm probably only alive because of the positive emotions you sent my way. They gave me hope and the courage not to give up."

"That's great to hear. But can you tell me what happened to you?"

"I - that's - I'm sorry, I can't...", Ash stumbled across the words.Great, now he had ruined their evening. Eiji had honestly told him about his bad experiences, which had been hard for him. Still, it wasn't easy for him to trust people. Even his soul mate. He couldn't tell him everything at their first meeting; he just couldn't... He clenched his fists until his knuckles turned white, unsure how to go on. Fortunately, Eiji put him out of his misery.

Eiji just looked at him with those warm eyes. "Does that mean you need more time to tell me?" Ash nodded quietly, grateful that Eiji understood him so well. He had probably felt his uncertainty and fear through the bond.

But seeing how Eiji looked at him, he didn't need a bond. He read his face like an open book. He saw it in the way he scrutinized his face. The realization surprised him since he had learned to have a stoic face that gave nothing away. It didn't seem to work on Eiji, though...

"I'm sorry. You told me everything but I - ", he tried to apologize.

"It's fine, Ash. You don't have to tell me now. Tell me if you're ready. You told me you have problems trusting people, right? It's probably related to your terrible experiences. So just get to know me better and tell me at a later point." Relief flooded through Ash, and he released a breath he hadn't noticed he had been holding.

Then, he looked at him intensely. "Only tell me this: you experienced something horrible. Something far worse than what I experienced, right?" Ash nodded.

"And does that still happen to you? Are you still suffering?"

"No, I got adopted by a friend of my brother. He and his wife are nice. They have a little son called Michael, who's really cute. But I still remember all those horrible things and have terrible nightmares."

He had no idea at all why he had told Eiji that. Usually, he would never be this talkative, but Eiji made him relax with his warm eyes and radiant smile. Eiji wasn't scared of him, and sometimes, he had the feeling that he could look into his soul and saw all the raw emotions he kept hidden deep inside of him.

"I'm sorry, Ash. If I can help you in any way, tell me. I'm here.", Eiji said seriously. Then he grinned at him and changed the topic.

"So let's talk about something more cheerful. Would you show me around in New York? I don't know that much yet, and I'd like to spend more time with you. And maybe Shorter, too."

"Yes, of course. Tell me what you're interested in, and I'll show you around. I know some great places.", Ash said, returning the smile.

"Great!, Eiji beamed at him. "I look forward to that."

Nadia served them their meal, and they ate it in comfortable silence. Nadia's food always smelled like home to him. It was one of the few places where he had always felt safe and had been able to relax. After being adopted, he rarely spent time here but only picked up Shorter to hang out. He relaxed more and more and actually enjoyed Eiji's company.

"You remembered something good right now. I felt it through the bond. Ash smiled at him. "This restaurant was my home when I was younger. I often escaped here when things went bad. Nadia's a great cook, and she always watched over me. She's like a big sister to me. She's strict but has a heart of gold. I've just realized how much I've missed her food."

"That's good to hear. Maybe you'll come back here with Eiji?", Nadia replied, having overheard the last part of their conversation on the way to their table.

"We will; you're an amazing cook. The meal was delicious."

"Thank you, Eiji. Come by anytime you like.", Nadia said, smiling at him before clearing the table. "Unfortunately, Shorter hasn't inherited my cooking skills." Nadia sighed in frustration.

"That's true. His cooking skills are a disaster.", Ash grinned while casting a look at Shorter.

"Hey, I heard that." Shorter complained, giving him a dirty look.

While Ash had talked to Nadia and teased Shorter, Ash hadn't paid attention to Eiji, who had rummaged in his bag for a bag he was just opening.

"Ash, can I take a photo of us?", Eiji asked out of nowhere, holding a camera up to his face as if taking a photo.

Ash froze up instantly and just stared at the camera with wide eyes while his mind flatlined. Everything around him faded away, and he was suddenly back in that room with monsters like Frog taking photos of him while raping and hurting him. Their evil laughter was ringing in his ears again, accompanied by the endless clicking sound of a camera that drowned out everything else. He still felt the tremendous pain rushing through his body again...

He felt sick to his stomach and felt how droplets of sweat were running down his face. His hands clenched into fists, and he trembled as all those horrifying memories flashed through his mind. He couldn't breathe and felt the urge to escape. He had to get out of here... Now!

"- sh?"

"Ash?"

_'Ash? What's wrong? You look really pale. Are you fine?'_

Eiji's telepathic message gradually pulled him back to reality.

After a moment, he heard Eiji's worried voice, and his face came into view again. Eiji was scared, anxious and confused. He sensed his intense emotions through the bond.

But at this point, he didn't care. He knew all of this had been too good to be true. Without another word, he abruptly got up, grabbed his jacket and left as quickly as possible.

"Ash! Don't leave, please. What did I do wrong? Please tell me!", Eiji desperately called out to him. 

When Ash didn't respond, Eiji asked him telepathically again. He ignored him. He needed to get some fresh air. He still couldn't breathe... he still saw that room in front of his eyes, could still smell blood and bodily odors, could still feel the pain dominating his body. He didn't want to break down in front of Eiji...

He should stay away from him anyway. They weren't meant to meet each other, to be together, or they wouldn't have lived worlds apart from each other... They lived in different worlds; it would never work out...

When he was on his way outside, he suddenly felt a hold on his arm. His whole head was still spinning with suppressed memories coming to the surface, so he forgot for a moment who it was.

He just felt someone holding his arm in a firm grip and panicked, instinctively defending himself. The sudden touch made fear whelm up inside of him, and before he knew what he was doing, he had slapped the person's hand away and had pushed him away from him, hearing a loud thud as he landed on the floor.

"Don't touch me!", he screamed at him furiously while his eyes burnt into him. 

Ash stood there, as fear and anger rushed through him, unable to move for a moment. Stars were dancing in front of his vision, and he felt as if he'd pass out at any moment.

Even so, he still sensed confusion and astonishment humming through him from Eiji's side, and he tried to focus on the present again. Concentrating, he tried to overcome his shock while his fuzzy mind was drowning in terrible memories of his dark past.

His body still trembled from the sudden firm grip on his wrist and the raw emotions that hit him relentlessly and that he couldn't shake off so easily. So, he needed some minutes to focus on Eiji and lost precious time before seeing Eiji clearly in front of him and being able to help him.

Meanwhile, Eiji was cowering on the floor, hugging himself while tears were running down his face. When he saw him, he suddenly screamed out in pain while gripping his head.

"Ash, stop! Please!", he cried out in desperation while an endless stream of tears was flowing down his cheeks. "That hurts!"

When Eiji's feelings of pure agony shot through his body, waking him from his stupor, he finally recognized Eiji. It was only then that he realized that the one who had shoved him away had been him. And that he had come to his senses much too late...

_Shit. What have I done to him...?_

He tried to calm down by taking a deep breath and focusing on Eiji again.

But he still had no clue what had caused such tremendous pain in him. What was he supposed to do? How could he stop it? What the fuck had even happened?

He moved closer to Eiji, desperately wishing to help him, but before he reached him, all color drained from his face, and Eiji collapsed to the ground, unconscious.

Their bond had disappeared as well... Eiji's presence was gone...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really loved writing their conversation and especially the ending. 
> 
> If you’ve enjoyed this, please leave a comment, vote or a subscription/ bookmark. They all encourage me to write more🙂


	3. The Two Sides Of A Soul Bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Eiji collapses, Ash tries to wake him up but it’s no use. Shorter heard the commotion and asks him what happened but Ash doesn’t know. 
> 
> So, Ash tells him what happened and Shorter explains to him that Eiji has probably seen his memories when he lost control over his emotions. 
> 
> Still, Ash is the only one who can wake him up. Can he do it? And has Eiji really seen his memories? How will Eiji react when he wakes up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the mention of rape triggers anything in you, don’t read it. Ash’s memories of rape are mentioned several times in this chapter.
> 
> I’m sorry that my chapter took so long, I didn’t save my chapter the usual way and it got deleted, so I had to start from the beginning again.

“Eiji! Eiji! Wake up! Please!”

Ash knelt next to Eiji as panic surged through him, wondering what he had done to Eiji.

He shook his shoulders to wake him up, get him back to consciousness, but it was no use. Eiji didn’t move or stirred but stayed unconscious.

He took his hand, trying to feel their bond which was far stronger when they touched, but it had disappeared completely. That had never happened before. He usually felt a faint humming sound in the back of his mind, like a quiet melody ringing in the background. He had always felt it for as long as he could remember. It had never disappeared before.

Now their bond was gone. It felt as if a part of him had vanished. He had never felt so alone, so lost. He had destroyed their unique connection to each other. Maybe he had even destroyed Eiji…

_What have I done to you? I’ve hurt the only person who’s always been by my side and never gave up on me… I knew I shouldn’t have met you. I don’t deserve someone like you. I only bring you destruction and lead to your downfall. I should have known better, but I really wanted to meet you._

Tears pricked his eyes while he stared at Eiji, wondering what to do…He had to save him. But how? And was it even possible?

Suddenly, there was a hand on his shoulder. Ash flinched and instinctively slapped the hand away, but Shorter had expected that and stopped his hand midair. Shorter’s look burned into him; all humor had vanished out of his eyes. He had never seen such a serious expression on his face before. That wasn’t a good sign...

Still, Shorter was the only one who could give him advice. He was the only one he knew who had a soulmate that lived close, so he knew more about bonds and telepathy than anyone else he knew. In the US, most soulmates lived too far apart to communicate telepathically, so most people had only a basic knowledge about soulmates and how bonds worked precisely.

“Ash, what the fuck happened? Just a moment ago, you were laughing together, and everything seemed to work out perfectly well for you.” Shorter’s gaze was so intense; he had to look away from him. He still hadn’t grasped what had led to all of this, either...

When he didn’t reply but kept staring at Eiji’s unconscious form, Shorter firmly gripped both of his shoulders, shaking him.

“Ash! Answer me, goddammit! What the hell did you do? This is serious, you know? Eiji could be in danger!” Fear surged through him as he heard those words, and his hands clenched into fists as he tried to control his frustration at the situation in front of him.

“Fuck, I don’t know!” Ash exclaimed furiously, glaring at Shorter. “I – I have no clue what happened, ok?”

Shorter had seen the confusion in his eyes because he calmed down again and motioned him to sit at the table where he had sat with Eiji before. Then, he checked Eiji’s pulse and sighed in relief. “He’s just unconscious. Let’s get him upstairs. He needs to rest.”

He carefully picked Eiji up and went to the apartment he shared with his sister. He placed Eiji on a couch in their living room, put a pillow under his head, and covered him with a blanket.

“He’ll be ok.”, he assured him, seeing how Ash kept staring at Eiji’s unconscious form. “Now, tell me what happened. Everything, Ash!”

Ash sat down on the floor, leaning on the couch Eiji was resting on. He had pulled his knees up, his arms hugging his knees, avoiding Shorter’s penetrating gaze.

“I – I really don’t know, Shorter. It all started when Eiji showed me his camera and asked me if he could take a photo of me. When I saw the camera I – I panicked, ok? Suddenly my vision blacked out, and I was back in that room with all those monsters forcing themselves on me. All those horrible memories slammed into me, along with the immense feeling of pain and their evil laughter. You know why.” Ash looked down at his lap while his hands around his knees clenched and started shaking uncontrollably.

Shorter sat down next to him and put an arm around his shoulder. “Yes, of course, I understand. Please calm down, ok?”, he replied in a softer tone.

Shorter knew everything about his past. He was his best friend and the only person he truly trusted. At one point, when he had spent the night at Shorter’s and Nadia’s apartment, Shorter had witnessed one of his terrifying nightmares and had woken him up. That’s when Ash had finally broken down and had told him the truth. He had assumed that Shorter would abandon him, too, like everyone else.

Yet, he quickly realized that he had underestimated Shorter and their friendship. Shorter seemed carefree, cheerful and a bit crazy at times, but at the same time, he was also a highly-respected gang leader with street-smarts and a dangerous reputation. He had always known what Ash had gone through or had at least suspected. But he had never approached the topic but had waited for Ash to do so.

Instead of abandoning him, he had put an arm around his shoulder, comforting him, and had talked about everything with Ash for the rest of the night. It had been the first time he had talked about his past with anyone. When he had started talking, all his emotion he had suppressed for so long had come pouring out of him, and the tears had finally started falling. He had realized with a start that he had felt better after talking about it with someone who really listened to him.

When he had finished, he had seen tears in Shorter’s eyes, much to his surprise. No one had ever cried for his sake, so he had been rendered speechless and had just stared at Shorter open-mouthed.

Shorter had just told him they were friends. At the time, they had both realized that they could never go against Dino; he was too powerful and ruled New York. Still, Shorter offered him to stay here if he needed a safe place to spend the night. When Ash asked about Nadia, he had told him with a mischievous grin that she had already adopted him and saw him as a second little brother. That had made Ash smile. Nadia was strict and always chastised them both for their swearing and their rude behavior but had become like a big sister to him who always looked out for him.

The next morning, Shorter had cooked him a bad Chinese breakfast. Shorter’s cooking was awful compared to Nadia’s, but Ash still loved his Chinese cooking anyway. Shorter always cheered him up with his easygoing attitude, and the Chang Dai had become a home for him, one of the few places he felt safe. And their friendship only grew closer after that.

“It’s only natural that you overreacted when seeing the camera, Ash. Even if Eiji meant no harm and, to him, it was just an innocent question. He couldn’t have known what seeing a camera would trigger in you.” Ash nodded in relief and calmed down when he realized Shorter understood the reason for his overreaction. So, he slowly calmed down again and stopped trembling when noticing that Shorter didn’t blame or judge him but tried to listen to him patiently.

“What happened after that?”

“All those images danced in front of my mind. I didn’t notice my surroundings anymore, and those awful memories overpowered everything. I just heard the clicking sound of that camera like an endless echo ringing in my ears. It was Eiji who pulled me back to reality by sending me a telepathic message asking if I were fine. I just thought meeting Eiji was a mistake and abruptly left without explaining anything to him.”

“You’re a stubborn idiot sometimes. And I bet Eiji didn’t accept that so easily.”, Shorter replied. “Am I right?” Ash nodded sadly.

“Yes. Eiji wanted to know what he had done wrong. I felt his confusion through the bond. When I ignored him and walked to the exit, he ran after me and grabbed my hand. I didn’t expect that and didn’t realize that it was him. Not at first… Those images were still flickering in front of my eyes, and I just wanted to escape from there. So, I panicked, slapped his hand away and screamed at him not to touch me. I couldn’t breathe and was still trembling, so I had some difficulty focusing on Eiji again.”

Ash paused for a moment, wondering if he should add something. “I was furious and scared and just wanted to get away. I needed far too long to realize that Eiji was the one standing in front of me.”, he admitted while staring at Eiji again.

“After a moment, Eiji gripped his head, started screaming in pain and begged me to stop. But I had no idea what he meant by that. And how I would be able to stop it. Whatever _it_ was.”

He looked at Shorter sadly while tears ran down his cheeks. He wiped them away and looked at Eiji before looking sideways at Shorter again.

“Do you know what he meant by that? You have a soulmate that lives close, so you know much more about it than I do. I’m new to this bonding thing.”, Ash admitted honestly. “I felt so powerless.”

“Of course, it’s understandable that you panicked or overreacted. But overwhelming or intense emotions like yours can affect your soulmate as well. Especially now that you live so close. Keep that in mind. If you lose control over your emotions, you can hurt your soulmate unintentionally.”

“But back when we were kids, he never blacked out. Although my emotions were much more intense, and he felt my pain through the bond.”

“A bond is easier to control if there’s some distance between you. Eiji learned to control the bond because he wanted to help you. Emotions affect you much more if you’re closer to each other, especially if they’re overwhelming you and you lose control over them. “, Shorter explained patiently. “Your emotions were so powerful; they slammed into Eiji with so much force that he was defenseless against them.” Ash flinched at that, casting a worried look at Eiji’s unconscious state, and clenched his fists.

“Then, all of this is my fault? I knew I shouldn’t have met him. I should just leave.”

When Ash wanted to get up, Shorter put a hand on his shoulder, preventing him from doing so.

“You can’t do that, Ash. Eiji’s still hurting. He has probably seen some of your memories.”

“He’s seen my memories?”, Ash gasped out in shock, eyes widening. “No wonder he collapsed.”

“Yes, it’s true that you’ve hurt him, even if it wasn’t your fault and it was just an accident. But you’re the only one who can wake him up, Ash.”

“I can’t! I’ve already tried.”, Ash cried out in frustration. “His presence is completely gone. I’ve destroyed our bond.” Ash put his arms around himself, trembling again. Tears were pricking in his eyes.

“You’re an idiot.” Shorter said bluntly. Irritated by that statement, he glared at Shorter. “You can’t destroy a bond. A soulmate’s bond is unbreakable and lasts forever.”, he continued.

“But - “

“You can feel the bond when Eiji is sleeping, but when he’s unconscious like that, it’s impossible to feel it anymore. It’s gone temporarily, but if he wakes up, it will reappear.

You’ll see.” Shorter smiled encouragingly at him.

Then, his smile faded away, and Shorter’s intense look bored into him, suddenly very serious. “The first thing you have to do is calm down, Ash. I’m serious here. In your current state, you can’t help Eiji. Get something to drink and some fresh air. Cool your head and think about how you’re going to explain this mess to Eiji when he wakes up.”

Ash nodded sadly. “He probably will stay away from me after that.”

“If you think that your soulmate who has always been there for you in the darkest times of your life leaves you just because of a minor accident, you don’t know Eiji at all. Someone who comforted you all this time would never be this shallow. Just explain things to him, and he’ll forgive you.”

“I hope you’re right.”, Ash replied, looking doubtfully at Eiji.

“Of course, I’m right. And Ash, don’t even think about leaving. Eiji needs you. If you don’t wake him up soon, there will be side effects.” 

_____________________________

After he had calmed down, he went upstairs. Shorter had already left, telling him a moment ago that he’d help his sister clean up the restaurant for the night.

He moved closer, sitting down next to Eiji, and took his hand. Eiji didn’t react, so he slowly sent some soothing and comforting emotions through the bond. Yes, he couldn’t feel Eiji’s side of the bond right now. Even so, if the bond was still there, as Shorter had told him, maybe Eiji would still notice his side of the bond. After some minutes of concentrating intensely on their connection, he saw how Eiji stirred, and his eyelids flickered a bit, although his eyes weren’t open yet.

After a moment, he felt the familiar humming sound that was Eiji’s presence again. He sighed in relief. He had never assumed that he could miss a little thing such as a silent melody in the back of his mind. It made him realize that he had grown up with this bond and had always taken it for granted. He had taken Eiji and his unconditional love for granted.

The lack of Eiji’s presence had terrified him. It felt as if a part of his self, of his soul, of his reason to live, had been ripped out. It had always been a flickering flame of hope and a soothing lullaby whispering in the back of his mind, reminding him that he wasn’t alone.

Only now that it was gone, he finally discovered that Eiji’s presence was like a lifeline to him. Eiji freed him from a current, pulling him underwater into a sea of darkness. His side of the bond regularly reached out for his hand, pulling him back to the surface highlighted by golden rays of sunshine dancing on the ocean’s sapphire blue waves. Eiji had always been his ray of hope and his liver lining. 

He swore that from now on, he’d appreciate his soulmate more. He tried to transmit a message through the bond, desperately hoping it would reach Eiji.

_‘I’m so sorry, Eiji, this is all my fault. But I’m here and will explain everything to you if you wake up. I promise.’_

Eiji’s eyes flickered a bit; then, he blinked a few times before his eyes fully opened again. After a moment, he slowly looked around in confusion until his eyes found his own.

When Eiji saw him, he suddenly shot up and put his arms around his neck, practically clinging to him while he broke down crying. Endless tears streamed down his face, and his whole body was shaking uncontrollably. Ash was so stunned that he had frozen up for a moment. Then he slowly put his arms around him and hugged him back, trying to calm him down by rubbing small circles into his back.

_‘Everything’s fine, Eiji. I’m really sorry. I lost control over my emotions. I didn’t want to hurt you…‘_

After a few minutes, Eiji slowly calmed down, and the tears turned into sobs before his grip around him loosened, and he let go of him. 

“Eiji, are you feeling better?” He reached for Eiji with his hand but stopped, suddenly remembering how he had slapped his hand away. How Eiji’s eyes had reflected how hurt he had been by his reaction...

To his surprise, Eiji stopped his hand in midair, embraced his hand in both of his and smiled softly at him.

“Yes, I’m feeling better. Thank you.”

He nodded at Eiji, not daring to look into his eyes, too afraid of what he’d find there.

“Ash, what happened? Where am I? How did I get here?” He looked around in confusion, his eyes scanning the room.

“Don’t worry. It’s the apartment of Nadia and Shorter above the restaurant.” He hesitated for a moment. “You collapsed on the floor because I lost control over my emotions. So, Shorter suggested we’d bring you here to rest.” He got up and handed him a glass of water.

“Drink this. You still look awfully pale.”

Eiji quietly nodded, took the glass and finished it in one gulp before placing it on the table next to the couch.

“I remember now. When you slapped my hand away, your emotions were so strong that they struck me with so much force that I was incapable of controlling them any more. That’s probably why I fainted. It felt as if my head would explode any minute.” 

“I’m so sorry, Eiji. I caused you so much pain. I understand if you don’t want to see me again after what I’ve done to you.”

A single tear escaped his eye and ran down his cheek. He had really enjoyed Eiji’s company and the time they had spent together here. Too bad it had to end so soon. He had ruined everything! But it was probably better that way. Better for Eiji, at least. He’d only bring him trouble. None of this would have happened if they hadn’t met…

“No, that’s not what I want!”, Eiji exclaimed angrily, glaring at him. Ash was so stunned by his outburst and his burning gaze, he was speechless for a minute, just staring at him in disbelief. Eiji took a deep breath, calming himself down, and then continued in a softer voice.

“Ash, that was an accident. I know you never intended to hurt me. I enjoyed the time here together with you. It was fun. And I really want to get to know you better. You were always there for me and lent me a helping hand when I needed it. So, I know you’re a kind and caring person. You’d never ever hurt me on purpose.”

“But what if I lose control again? I don’t want to hurt you. It’s better if you stay away from me.”

When Ash still didn’t look at him, his eyes downcast at his hands, Eiji slowly touched his chin and moved his head upwards, so they were at eye level again. Fear shot through him at the sudden touch that he didn’t see coming. He instinctively pulled away as if he’d been burnt. Eiji had also noticed his reaction and immediately let go of his chin and moved back a little to give him some space. At the same time, he sent him soothing and calm emotions through the bond.

 _‘Ash, please calm down_. _I just wanted you to look at me, ok?’_

Ash had felt through the bond that he had noticed his discomfort and had immediately backed away. Still, Eiji was confused by his reaction. He should explain things to him. Eiji would probably be afraid that he had done something wrong.

He looked at Eiji as he had wanted him to, and scrutinized his face, and tried to concentrate on their connection. He only felt a hint of worry as Eiji smiled at him encouragingly.

“I’m sorry, Eiji. I – “, he began, stumbling over the words. Fuck, he just didn’t know how to begin.

 _‘You can use telepathy’,_ Eiji reminded him. _‘Sometimes it’s easier that way.’_ He smiled sadly at him, a bit embarrassed that Eiji had read him so easily.

_‘I don’t like people touching me.’_

Eiji smiled at him knowingly. “I think that’s an understatement. I could feel raw fear coming from your side when I touched you. You were scared to death for a split second. Is that why you slapped my hand away when I didn’t want you to leave?”

Ash nodded quietly. ‘ _I associate touch with violence and pain. That’s why I overreacted and slapped your hand away. Touch means immediate danger for me, and I instinctively protect myself.’_

Ash carefully looked Into Eiji’s eyes, expecting to find disappointment there but finding a different truth instead that caught him off guard. Pure compassion and warmth were reflected in Eiji’s eyes as he bent a bit forward and reached for his hand. Then he abruptly stopped and pulled back.

“I’m sorry, Ash. You tell me that touch means something negative to you, and the next thing I do is touch you. You must think I’m either deaf or completely stupid. I just wanted to find a way to comfort you, to make sure that you see that I understand you.”

Ash felt how the first small but genuine smile spread across his face while he grabbed his hand. “It’s fine. I don’t mind your touch. Your touch is gentle and soft. It feels good and warm. Safe.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” Then he frowned at him, his eyes darkening again.

“Ash, there’s something I don’t understand. When I touched you a few minutes ago, you were fine with touching me. I also hugged you, and you didn’t seem to mind. Yet, when I touched you to prevent you from leaving and even now when I touched your face, I felt your immense fear. Please explain that to me? I don’t want to hurt or scare you unintentionally.”

Ash sat there with slumped shoulders but still met his eyes. Eiji had proved that he cared, his huge brown eyes reflecting pure honesty and kindness, so he deserved a sincere answer.

_‘It scares me when the touch comes out of nowhere without warning or if I don’t see the person who’s touching me. If you touch me, make sure that I can see you. Then I won’t overreact. At least, I hope so.’_

“I see, that makes sense. I’ll remember that.”, Eiji promised him, his eyes lighting up again.

“Can I ask you something?”

When Eiji nodded, he continued.

“When you began screaming, what exactly did you see?”

“At first, I just felt your emotions. Your panic, anger and fear, mostly. They flowed through the bond. But then your memories came rushing through the bond and hit me without warning. Together with your raw emotions, it felt as if my head split in two.” 

“So, Shorter was correct. You saw my memories. All of them?”, Ash asked in pure horror, all color draining from his face.

“No, too many of your memories flowed through me at lightning-fast speed to see them all. Or make sense of them.”, Eiji assured him. “But I saw enough to know the cause for that immense pain when we were younger. I saw how those men hurt you, how they forced yourself on you, and – Eiji choked on the next words while tears ran down his face again.

“Raped me?”, he finished Eiji’s sentence. Eiji nodded, wiping his tears away. Then he slowly moved closer to Ash, so he saw it coming, and hugged him.

“I’m so sorry, Ash. Seeing that was horrible and disgusting. I can’t even begin to imagine how much you have suffered. I wish I could have been there to help you. I felt so powerless.”

Tears pricked at Ash’s eyes again, but this time, it wasn’t because of his dark memories. It was because Eiji was still here. He hadn’t run away, abandoned him, or been disgusted when learning of his dark past and his history of abuse.

Quite the contrary, in fact, after the embrace, his eyes still reflected pure warmth and empathy. And his eyes brimmed with unshed tears while the rest streamed down his face. Eiji didn’t hide them at all. He wasn’t embarrassed but displayed them openly.

Ash had always been taught that emotions were a sign of weakness. And yet, Eiji wasn’t weak, he radiated pure honesty and compassion, and his tears were proof of that. His empathy and his sincere emotions were his greatest strength and offered him comfort and warmth he had never felt before. Of course, he had always felt them through the bond but being so close to him and actually seeing his face and tears, Eiji’s feelings hit differently.

Realizing that, he decided to do something that he would usually never do. He moved closer and put an arm around Eiji, a tentative attempt to see if that was allowed.  
He usually avoided touching people. Still, he wanted to comfort Eiji, too, when he was hurting—seeing all his memories had been hard on Eiji. He felt the sadness and horror through their connection.

Eiji’s touch didn’t hurt him but helped him. Even saved him. So, he could do it, too, right?

When Eiji relaxed and leaned towards him, all the tension fell off him, and he pulled him closer. Eiji immediately returned his embrace and started sobbing into his chest. He gently stroked the back of Eiji’s head.

‘ _I’m sorry you had to see that. I wanted to protect you from that side of my life. You have been there for me, Eiji. Always. And you have helped me. More than you’ve ever realized.’_

For a moment, they sat there in comfortable silence. However, Ash felt that Eiji wanted to ask something else but was still hesitating. He nodded at him.

‘ _Ask me. It’s fine.’_

Relief shot through Eiji, and he relaxed, gratitude lighting up his brown eyes.

‘ _What about the camera_? _You completely panicked when you saw it. Why?’,_ he asked him quietly.

Ash felt his uncertainty and concern. He always used telepathy if he was unsure how Ash would react or if the question would make him uncomfortable.

It did make him uncomfortable, yet, after causing Eiji so much pain, he deserved to know the reason behind it. It was the least he could do...

_‘One of my abusers took photos while raping me. It was a professional camera that looked similar to the one you own. When I saw it, all those memories came rushing back to me, and I was in that room again..._

_All I could hear was that clicking sound of the camera..._ _I couldn’t breathe and... just wanted to escape... Sorry...’_

Tears streamed down his face, and he stubbornly looked away from him. He realized that Eiji would never look down on him, but he felt so pathetic that such a simple everyday item as a camera could have such a lasting effect on him... could still provoke a full-fledged panic attack in him. He hated that those memories still controlled him...

‘ _I’m so sorry, Ash. I didn’t know. Please look at me, ok?’_ Ash felt his worry through the bond, but he didn’t want Eiji to see him like that...

Then, Eiji carefully touched his hand while simultaneously sending calming emotions through the bond, so he knew Eiji was the one touching him. Eiji had taken into consideration that his touch would be coming out of nowhere for him since his vision was all blurry.

‘ _You’re not alone, Ash. I’m here. Share your pain with me. Don’t push me away. Please._

_I’d do anything for you!’_

That last one made Ash look up at him in surprise. Eiji smiled softly at him and then slowly moved towards him, never stopping to look into his eyes. Then his hand moved towards him, and he gently wiped his tears away.

That kind gesture made his resolve finally shatter, and he couldn’t stop his tears from falling any longer. His whole body began trembling as he broke down crying, setting free all the emotions he had suppressed for so long. Eiji slowly bent closer and hugged him, sending him soothing messages through the bond and staying like this until he had calmed down again.

‘ _Ash, I’m really sorry that you have so many horrible and disgusting memories. I just saw some images through the bond.’_

_‘Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t want them to send them to you. I lost control again. I...’_

_‘It’s fine. Our bond exists to share good and bad memories, happiness and pain, with each other. Because shared pain lessens the burden on our souls, but shared happiness heals our souls.’_

Ash pulled out of the hug. Thank you, Eiji. I’m glad I’ve finally met you in person. That you’re here now.” Eiji pulled out of the hug and gave him one of his radiant smiles.

“Yes, I’m happy I met you, too. And you won’t get rid of me anytime soon. Even if the world turns on you, I’ll always be on your side.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the manga, Blanca often grabs Ash’s chin like Eiji does in this chapter. Only Blanca does it more strongly. Ash’s reaction was always to get angry, glaring at him wildly and immediately slapping his hand away. 
> 
> I thought if Eiji used the same gesture, although more gently, Ash would react in a negative way. Not as intense as with Blanca but that touch would still cause Ash to overreact. 
> 
> Thanks you for reading.
> 
> The many comments I’ve received for this story made me really happy. Sometimes, it takes a while but I always leave a reply. 
> 
> Kudos, comments and bookmarks are always appreciated. 
> 
> The next chapter will be about the special powers a bond creates. The red thread of fate will play a major role.


	4. The Red Thread Of Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eiji wants to try if they can see the red thread of fate because Eiji had heard that it is proof of their bond. Only, when they try, Ash cannot see it. Does that mean, they aren’t soulmates, after all?
> 
> Then, Eiji has a theory why Ash can’t see it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before reading please take a look at the picture one of my readers offered to draw for this chapter. Many of the ideas for this chapter were inspired by this fan art. I really love it, it’s so beautiful.

“Eiji, are you even listening to me? What’s wrong with you today?”

This morning, Eiji had met Ibe at his studio to work on a project with him. Eiji had also asked him for some tips to improve his skills in photography. He had finally saved enough money to buy himself a Nikon DSLR camera, yet hadn’t tried out all the new features yet.

He hoped that Ibe would find the time to explain some of his new camera’s elements that were new to him. Ibe had also promised to take him on a walk through New York and show him some great photo motives and places that offered a great view of the city. Eiji had looked forward to that because he admired Ibe since he had visited him in Izumo and had won that photo competition with his pole vaulting photos. He was like an older brother to him, so he had immediately agreed when Ibe had asked him to accompany him to New York after his pole vaulting injury.

Now that he had moved into his little apartment on campus and had enrolled at college, he had started working part-time for Ibe to be able to pay for his living expenses himself. Eiji preferred to earn his own money. Ibe had offered that he could stay with him in his apartment or above his studio, but he had politely declined, telling him he didn’t want to be a freeloader and that he wanted to live on his own and earn his own money. He enjoyed the freedom and the independence here, especially since no one knew him here. It was a new start for him, a second chance.

Since New York was one of the world’s most expensive cities, Ibe had offered Eiji to work part-time for him. It was a win-win situation since he could also use the practical experience for his college degree. The college required the students to do an apprenticeship or a part-time job for half a year to learn about everyday life and the daily routine. He had asked his tutor at college about it and had learned that his job at Ibe’s studio was accepted as an apprenticeship. So, his work with Ibe helped him to improve his practical skills and to get credits for his college degree.

That’s why he felt awful that he wasn’t in top form right now. To say that he had a bad day was an understatement. He wasn’t able to focus on the task at hand. He had noted that he had a hard time concentrating, and his thoughts were often somewhere else, drifting off to the talk with Ash from last night.

After talking to Ash yesterday, it had been past midnight when he had finally arrived home. Shorter had offered that he could stay overnight, but Eiji would have an early appointment with Ibe at his studio the following morning, so he had preferred to return home. Ash had given him a ride on his motorcycle, explaining that this area wasn’t safe at night.

After that eventful evening, Eiji hadn’t gotten any sleep. Ash’s memories that he had accidentally seen had still haunted him, and he couldn’t stop reflecting on Ash’s harsh life and all the horror and suffering he had gone through. He had enjoyed his time with him but had been shocked to learn that Ash’s life had only been dominated by violence, pain and fear.

Of course, he had suspected that he had led a much tougher life than he had done, having always felt his excruciating pain and immense fear. Still, he had always imagined that such a living hell as he had seen in his memories didn’t exist in real life. He had realized with a start that he came from a completely different world where such nasty and gruesome occurrences were only part of your favorite crime series. So, he might be naive and innocent, but he was sure that what Ash had told him had only been the tip of the iceberg, just the censored version...

‘ _Oh, looks like you’re busy, and I’m distracting you.’_

He had just talked with Ash telepathically for a while and had paid more attention to him than Ibe trying to explain his latest project to him.

Usually, he was really good at controlling the bond, blending Ash out with the main focus on the real-life conversation he was having. He’d never block the bond to Ash; it was more about control, To focus on one conversation while the other continued in the back of his mind like a quiet melody. Like a radio playing in the background. Your primary attention wasn’t on the radio, but you still noticed which song was being played.

“Yes, I just can’t focus on you right now.”, Eiji replied quietly. Sorry.”

“Excuse me?” Ibe asked, irritation resonating in his voice.

Eiji slapped a hand across his face, then sighed. He had accidentally said that out loud, instead of transferring his thoughts to Ash, as he had intended to. Just great! Now Ibe would think he’d lost his mind if he didn’t explain the situation to him.

‘ _You always say things aloud if you’re nervous or exhausted. Are you fine?’_ A trace of worry reached him from Ash’s side.

_‘I’m just tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night.’_

_‘Sorry, that’s probably my fault. I just wanted to cheer you up. You seem a bit down today. Usually, you’re much better than me at finding a balance between real and telepathic conversations. I’ll talk to you later. I have to take care of some important matters anyway.’_

_‘I’m sorry, Ash. Please don’t blame yourself, ok? This isn’t your fault. Don’t forget about tonight, ok?.’,_ Eiji answered, unable to hide his smile. ‘ _I look forward to seeing you again.’_ Eiji felt a hint of happiness coming from Ash’s side before his presence got fainter.

Now, Eiji had a guilty conscience because Ash had just wanted to help him. Ash was right, he was usually really good at focusing on two conversations at once, but today his concentration was non-existent, probably because his mind constantly wandered back to the conversation with Ash. Being so close to him and seeing him in person, he had felt his utter loneliness, self-loathing, internal suffering and pain resonating through their bond, the intensity varying. Thinking back to Ash’s panic, the fear in his eyes and how he had flinched at his touch, tears welled up in his eyes again. Ash didn’t deserve any of this...

Unlike him, Ash usually hid or suppressed his true emotions, his hurt and his tears. Eiji had only caught a glimpse of his suffering and had only scratched on the surface. Ash’s smile had been mostly fake, a mask hiding his true emotions. That mask had received little cracks when he had talked to him in person, but it hadn’t been torn down yet. His beautiful green eyes were mesmerizing, yet dark shadows were still lingering in his eyes. All of that worried Eiji, and it had also been the reason he hadn’t found much sleep the previous night.

Eiji wanted to stay by his side, prove to him that life was also full of hope, light, and beauty. Ash had probably been more truthful to him and had already shown him a side that no one else knew. It was the first step in the right direction.

This was only their beginning. He’d make sure that Ash learned to trust again, that his mask would fall, and he’d see his true self eventually and would be able to heal his shattered soul. He had to be patient and spend more time with him. He had seen his kind heart and his pure soul, but at the moment, both were shrouded in darkness. He would be the gentle breeze and the sunshine who would blow away the dark clouds and the raging storm holding them captive.

When he had wiped his tears away and looked up again, Ibe stared at him incredulously.

“Eiji, you’re scaring me. You’re not yourself today. Usually, you’re focused, well-organized and meticulous when working with me. Today you’re distracted all the time. Did something happen to you? You know you can talk to me, right?” Ibe’s eyes reflected a mixture of worry and compassion as his intense look bored into him.

“I’m sorry, Ibe. That phrase just now wasn’t directed at you. I - I’ve discovered that my soulmate lives here in New York. I can finally speak to him telepathically.” Eiji couldn’t hide his smile when he thought about Ash.

“Your soulmate lives here? That’s great, Eiji. I’m so happy for you. You’ve always hoped to find him, right?” Eiji saw the relief in his warm eyes because he could relate to being apart from your soulmate. Eiji remembered that Ibe had once told him that his soulmate was American as well.

“Ibe, didn’t you tell me once that you also have a soulmate that lived far away, right?”

“Yes, I didn’t grow up with my soulmate, either, although I always felt his presence. So I know what you’re going through. I’ve only met Max when I worked with Jessica on a project as a photographer. But soulmates always meet eventually. We live closer now since I moved to New York.” Then, he looked at him intently.

“Being so close is a significant change at the beginning, but you’ll get used to it. Just try to help each other out. If you have any questions about your bond, just ask me, ok?”

Eiji smiled at him. “Yes, thanks. I may come back to that.”

“By the way, Eiji, have you met your soulmate yet?”, Ibe asked him curiously.

“Yes, I did. I met him yesterday evening. He’s great, although a bit stubborn, but he had a really traumatic and terrible childhood. He accidentally showed me some of his most terrifying memories. They were disgusting and vicious. That’s why I didn’t get much sleep last night. I couldn’t stop thinking about his cruel life and what I could do to help him.”, Eiji admitted sadly.

“I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have come. I’ll just slow you down, but I needed a way to distract myself - “

“Of course, I understand that meeting your soulmate and learning how much he has suffered would be difficult, Eiji. Just be there for him as you have always been. That’s enough.”, Ibe suggested. “Believe in him and stay by his side.”

“I’m relieved, to be honest. I was wondering what the reason could be that you’re not focused today. So, you were talking to your soulmate and me simultaneously. Having two conversations to focus on is hard at the beginning. It requires much concentration. It can be exhausting if you do it for a longer time. Just be careful, ok?”

“I’m usually pretty good at it, but today I have trouble doing that. Probably because I’m so tired.”, he admitted honestly.

Ibe scrutinized his face. “Eiji, I think that’s an understatement. You look completely worn out. How about you get some rest while I finish the project? And then I show you some great places to try out your new camera.”

“But - “ Eiji interjected at once.

“It’s fine. I have a couch in my office. Get some sleep. You’re always hard-working and a great help to me. But in your current state, you can’t help me. I think if you get some rest and some fresh air afterwards, you’ll feel better.”

“Thank you. Maybe you’re right. Then I’ll accept your offer.”

After a few hours of sleep, Eiji felt better. Meanwhile, Ibe had finished his project and offered him a coffee when he appeared in his study.

“You look much better now. Are you ready to get some fresh air and take some photos?”

________________________________

Eiji still couldn’t believe he had really found his soulmate! In a world like Japan, where everybody had a soulmate that lived close, he had felt awfully alone and lost. He had never really belonged in this world because he hadn’t been able to join any discussion about soulmate stuff. That was the reason why he had focused all of his attention on pole vaulting instead. In a sport, soulmate-related topics were meaningless, and it was the only time where he had felt normal. Here, only athletic skills mattered. Up in the air, he had felt weightless and had enjoyed pure freedom, even if it had just been for just a few seconds. It was the reason he had loved it and why he had excelled at it.

So, he had been indescribably happy and thrilled when he had realized he had found his soulmate in New York. He loved that he could communicate with him now and felt less lonely in this huge city. He had just arrived a few weeks ago, so he hadn’t made any friends yet. But he was sure that would change when college would start in a few days.

Ash was amazing. Apart from his handsome looks and his captivating emerald eyes, he was also super smart and kind. He had noticed that he had been tired and a bit sad after learning of his harsh life and seeing his most terrifying memories. He had reached out to him this morning and had tried to cheer him up. He couldn’t wish for a better soulmate.

Usually, Eiji talked to him telepathically, telling him about his day, college or photography.

Ash just gave monosyllabic answers, yet Eiji felt that he enjoyed it because Ash was more at ease, and he felt how his mood became more cheerful. Ash wasn’t trusting him completely and still put some distance between them. Such behavior was understandable; it was his protective shield. Eiji was convinced that after spending some time together, Ash would put his guard down and learn to trust him.

So, in the afternoon, after his photo tour with Ibe, he had bought a lot of Japanese ingredients, intending to cook a Japanese dinner for Ash when he came by later. He hoped that Ash liked his Japanese dishes. He loved cooking and wanted to create something special for Ash tonight to show him how much he meant to him.

Ash believed that he didn’t deserve him as a soulmate and had only caused him pain and suffering. So, he wanted to show him that he was wrong, that Ash had helped him heal, too. Without him, he would never have gotten over his depression. Eiji just wanted to thank him and prove to him that he needed him, too. Ash was quite stubborn and too proud to admit his true feelings, but behind that attitude, he was kind, understanding and warm-hearted.

He really hoped that Ash would come as he had promised. He only reluctantly agreed to meet him, although Eiji saw in his eyes that we wanted to. He wondered what that was about? They had gotten along so well...

When Ash entered his apartment, Ash looked around its interest as if he wanted to learn more about him from inspecting his apartment. It was one of those small student apartments on college campus, so it was nothing special. It was small with simple furniture, a small bedroom and another part study, part living room, a tiny kitchen and an even tinier bathroom.

Still, he had decorated it with photos in frames or as posters. Some were about Japan, of his family, some of his friends and some of his hometown. On one was a temple, on another one a beach and a white lighthouse. Eiji curiously watched Ash as he looked around.

“Did you take all of those?”, he asked while looking at them more closely. “They’re incredible.”

“Thank you.” Eiji beamed at him.

Eiji explained all the photos to Ash, describing his hometown to him in more detail and telling him about his family.

“Your hometown looks nice. And your sister looks cute and like you. Do you miss them?”

“A little. But I’m happy I came here. Especially since I met you.”

Ash’s cheeks flushed red with embarrassment, and he stubbornly looked away.

Eiji grinned. He looked much younger like that. It was kind of cute.

Then he noticed that Ash was holding something in his hand and pointed at it.

“What is that you’re holding?”

“Oh, sorry. It’s a gift. Just some cakes from a café I know.”

Eiji looked inside the box.

“Wow, they look so delicious. Thank you!”

“Come on, let’s eat. Dinner is ready. He grabbed his hand and led him to the living room. There was a small table set for two, and there were several dishes on it. “You cooked something? I just thought we order pizza or something...

Eiji’s brows furrowed, and he rolled his eyes at him.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Ash. I invited you, so I wanted to cook something for you for dinner.

“What is all of this?” Ash took a closer look at all the dishes on the table.

“It’s Japanese. Have you eaten Japanese before?”

“Does sushi count? I think that’s the only Japanese food I’ve eaten so far.”

“Yes, but there’s more to Japanese food than sushi. This is dried horse mackerel and boiled spinach. Then, there’s rice and miso soup. And that’s over there is natto.

Ash smelled at it and wrinkled his nose. “It’s gone bad. And it smells. What is that even made of?

“Natto is fermented soybeans. It’s supposed to smell.”

They sat down, and Ash continued staring at the natto. “How do you eat it?”

“To the natto, add soy sauce, mustard and green onions. Then mix till it’s all sticky.”

Ash tried it but didn’t look convinced that you could eat that. The frown on his forehead and his tightened eyes betrayed him.

“Pour it over rice and then it’s ready to eat. It’s so delicious! Do you like it?”, Eiji asked while digging into it.

Ash did as Eiji had instructed and tried it. He choked when tasting it. His face reflected pure disgust, and all color drained from his face.

“I think I’m going to throw up. How can you even eat that?”

Eiji burst out laughing. “Your face! Priceless!”

“I’m sorry, but - “

“It’s fine. Natto isn’t for everyone. Try the rest. I’m sure you’ll like it.”

Ash tried the miso soup next. “This is pretty good.”

He tried the fish next. He carefully smelled it, wrinkling his nose again. “This stinks, too.”

“It’s supposed to.”

“Why? Do Japanese people only eat stinky food?”

“We don’t say it smells; we say it has aroma. Healthy Japanese food is good for you. I bet you only eat meat like most Americans. Hotdogs and things like that.”

Ash bit into the fish. Eiji just stared at him.

“Head first. Well, what did I expect from a cat?”, he muttered to himself.

“Did you just call me a cat?”, Ash growled at him while his eyes burned dangerously.

“Well, your nickname is _Lynx_ , isn’t it? That’s basically a cat, although a wild and dangerous one. And you do eat fish like one.”, he grinned.

“Eiji, where did you hear that name? And how much do you know?” Ash stopped eating and his eyes darkened while he watched him carefully.

“Ash, you’re legendary around here. Everybody knows your name. And some gang fight you were suspected to be involved in was on the news, and the whole city talked about it. Is it really true you’re a gang leader?”

Eiji had heard rumors around the city about the infamous and notorious Ash Lynx.

However, he had never been scared of Ash. The Ash he had talked to the other day hadn’t been a gang leader but a still hurting teenager who had taken care of him and comforted him when he had broken down crying after seeing his worst memories. He had wiped his tears away and had patiently explained to him why he had overreacted. So, he wasn’t a bad person. There had to be more to the story and Ash Lynx than was evident at first glance.

“Yeah. I’m a gang leader, a criminal and a killer.”, Ash answered bluntly while he avoided looking into his eyes. “You’re probably disappointed, right? I’m sorry someone as genuinely good as you has such an awful soulmate. You deserve someone better than me...”

Ash abruptly got up, but Eiji quickly grabbed his hand, preventing him from doing so. He didn’t overreact this time because Eiji was sitting opposite him, and he had seen it coming.

“Please stay. Tell me more about your life, Ash. I heard some rumors circulating around the city. There’s usually a grain of truth to them, but most of it is hugely exaggerated or entirely made up. Please tell me the truth, Ash.”

He emphasized his honest wish to learn more about him by sending his sincere emotions through the bond. Ash just stared at him in disbelief, then he relaxed again, and his features softened. He sat down again.

“I just became a gang leader to protect myself and some people close to me. I needed power and strength since I had some powerful enemies at the time. Even so, I’m not a saint, Eiji. I’ve killed people, and most people are terrified of me and call me a monster or a devil. That’s who I am.” Eiji shivered from the pain overwhelming Ash’s eyes. At first glance, he seemed cold, yet his soul was crying and writhing in agony.

“That’s not true. You’re not a monster, Ash. I know because I saw your memories, and I can feel your self-hate, your loneliness and your pain. I can also see your pure soul and your kind heart.”

When Ash gave him a sad smile but didn’t seem to believe him, Eiji grabbed his hand.

“Ash, I don’t care what others say about you. I have a unique connection to you; I can see that you suppressed your emotions, probably to protect yourself. Even so, the way you comforted me the previous evening proved to me that you’re kind and warm-hearted, so I’m happy that I’ve finally found you. So, pushing me away won’t work. I promised you to stay by your side, and I will.”, Eiji insisted. Ash stared at him in utter disbelief, eyes widening. Then a single tear ran down his face. 

“Answer me one question, Ash. Why do you kill people?”

“I have no other choice. People attack me all the time to take over my territory and get more power. I just fight back. I don’t enjoy this, Eiji. I wish I could lead a normal life as you do.

However, I can’t just quit being a gang leader. People would still hunt me down. Or the people I love. I just don’t want to drag you into this. That’s why I wanted to stay away from you. It was to protect you.” He wiped his test away and started at his food, avoiding eye contact.

“I understand that. And I thank you for trying to protect me. But I make my own choices and want to stay by your side.” Ash looked up in surprise and Eiji smiled encouragingly at him.

“Thank you, Eiji. For believing me. For not abandoning me. I feel like a teenager when I’m with you. So, I enjoyed that evening with you as well. More than you probably realized.”, he admitted sincerely, the first real smile crossing Ash’s face.

“I’m happy to hear that. You are a teenager, and you deserve me as a soulmate. I need you, too, Ash. A soul bond always works both ways. You’ll understand it better when I teach you some details about our bond later. Let’s finish our meal, ok? Did you like the rest of the meal?”

“Yes, it was really delicious. You’re a great cook.” Then he smirked at him, his eyes lighting up with mischief. “You’ll make a good wife one day.”

Eiji glared at him, then turned away from him, pouting. Ash burst out laughing.

“You’re cute when you’re mad. I’ll get the cakes for dessert.”

________________________________________

“No alcohol tonight, Ash!”

Before they had sat down on the couch, Ash had asked Eiji for a beer but had immediately been chastised harshly by Eiji. Ash raised his brows at him.

“Don’t tell me this is the moment where you’ll point out next that I’m a minor and it’s against the law or something.”, Ash protested. “Have you even drunken alcohol before?”

“Of course, I have. And no, this is the moment where I tell you that alcohol numbs our bond, smartass. With your superior intelligence, you should have deduced that yourself.”

“Oh. That makes sense, I guess. I didn’t know the bond could be influenced by alcohol. What happens with the bond exactly when you drink too much?”, Ash asked curiously.

“If you pass out drunk, the bond will completely disappear until you regain consciousness.”, Like when I passed out the other day.”, Eiji explained to him. “If you just have a few drinks and are a bit drunk, the bond will get blurry. It’s like a dense fog surrounds it. You can only feel a tiny fracture of your soulmate’s emotions, and you usually can’t pinpoint your soulmate’s location anymore.”

“The bond can be used as a tracking device?”, Ash asked in amazement.

“Only if you concentrate hard enough. And it requires experience that we don’t have yet. So, don’t worry, I don’t know every step you take. Yet.”, he smirked.

“So, where do we start?”, Eiji wondered, looking at Ash. “Do you have anything you’d like to know?”

“Let me think about it for a moment.” He frowned for a minute before his eyes lit up. “Maybe you can teach me to transfer emotions to you? How did you manage to show me your emotions and memories that last time?”

“Oh, that’s a great way to start! You just have to picture the image, memory or the feeling attached to it in your mind. Then, close your eyes, concentrate on our connection, and send it towards my side of the bond. It’s easier when there’s a physical connection, like when our hands touch. If you have more experience, you can also send it without touching and with opened eyes and even over some greater distance.”

When he didn’t reply at once, lost in thought, Eiji grinned at him. “Do you want to try?”

“No! I – I can’t do that. What if I lose control again?”, Ash immediately replied, fear rushing through him. Eiji put an arm on his shoulder to put him at ease.

“Ash, calm down. You won’t lose control. I know you have many horrible memories, but I’m sure you have some precious memories as well. About Shorter, maybe? Or something from your childhood?”

Ash thought about it for a moment, then nodded. He took Eiji’s hand and closed his eyes, concentrating on the memory he wanted to show Eiji. Then he listened to their bond's humming sound and directed the image to Eiji’s side in his mind. When he was finished, he opened his eyes and looked at Eiji, wondering if it had worked. Eiji’s radiant smile said it all.

“You looked really cute as a kid. Who was the guy standing next to you? You kind of look alike.”

He felt how a small smile dawned on his face when he thought back on that memory.

“That was my half-brother Griffin. He raised me. He is fifteen years older than me.”

“He loves you very much. It was in the way he looked at you. Where is he now?”

Ash’s smile faded away while he thought back to when his brother went to the Army, leaving him. That’s when his happy childhood had ended.

“I – I don’t know. He went to serve in the Army. After some time, he went missing. I’ve looked for him everywhere, but I couldn’t find him. Even if I find him, he’d probably be disappointed in me. Of what I’ve become.”, he added sadly while looking down at his hands.

“That’s not true, Ash. Your brother loved you. He’d probably be sad that he couldn’t protect you. But he’d be proud of you. Because you experienced horrible and disgusting things, but you didn’t lose your kind heart. Many people would turn into monsters themselves after such traumatic experiences.”

“I hope you’re right. I’ll find him one day. I haven’t given up yet.”

“That’s the spirit! If I can help in any way, just tell me.”

Ash smiled at him, grateful that Eiji hadn’t told him to give up. Max had given up looking for Griffin after years of research and had told him to do the same. However, Max didn’t understand that Griffin was the only person who had created a warm home for him and had loved him. If there were only the slightest chance to find him, he would keep looking for him.

“Ash, can I try something? It’s a soulmate thing my friend told me about. I always wanted to try it when I’d meet my soulmate. We just have to intertwine our fingers.”

“What do you want to do?”

“My friend told me that if we intertwine our fingers and concentrate on our bond, we can see the red thread of fate –

“Red thread of what?”, Ash interrupted him suddenly. “What are you talking about?”

“You don’t know? Well, it makes sense, I guess. The saying is Chinese, so everyone in Japan knows it, too. But in the US, not many people would know it. You can only see it if you live close. It connects our souls.”

“What’s it about?”, Ash asked curiously.

It goes like this:

_An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle. But it will never break._

“The red thread of fate is said to be on the pinky finger of one person and the thumb of the other. But the saying is ancient, so that the details may vary. Only soulmates can see it. It’s invisible to the rest of the world.”

Ash frowned at him. “That sounds like a fairy tale. A children’s story. Do you believe in stuff like that?” To his surprise, Eiji wasn’t offended. Instead, his eyes it up, turning golden-brown before he smiled softly at him.

“I do. Don’t you believe that it was fate that we met here?”

“No. I don’t believe in fate.”, Ash replied stubbornly.

“That’s understandable after all those horrible things you’ve experienced.”

Eiji tried to cover it up with a smile, but Ash still saw his disappointment and felt his sadness resonating through the bond.

“But”, Ash added quietly, “I believe in you. Do you think that’s enough?”

Eiji beamed at him, cheering up from one second to the other. “I’m sure it is. Let’s try.”

“Why is that so important to you?”, he wanted to know.

“I grew up with that saying, and all the people told me they could see it. The red thread, I mean. Since I didn’t have a soulmate that lived close, I’ve always dreamed of seeing that thread, too. It’s proof that we’re soulmates and kind of an initiation ritual, maybe? It can also intensify the bond between us.”

“I guess it was hard growing up like that. Ok, let’s try. What do I have to do?”

“We just intertwine our fingers, close our eyes and concentrate on the bond. If we open our eyes, we should see it.”

They tried it, and suddenly, he felt it. There was a soft little breeze surrounding them that felt warm and comfortable. Ash couldn’t really describe the feeling, but when they touched hands, he felt something that he had never felt before. Something new and perfect. It was the first time that touch felt good. He had found something he didn’t even know he had been missing. Their souls were bound from the beginning, but now they were connected. As if both their souls had become one and entangled in one another. They were connected forever. At least, that’s what it felt like.

Ash opened his eyes, and his eyes met Eiji’s. When Eiji’s eyes shifted to their hands, he followed Eiji’s gaze. He saw in Eiji’s shining eyes that he had seen something. Only he hadn’t seen anything.

He abruptly let go of Eiji’s hand and crossed his arms. “This is stupid. I told you it’s just a fucking fairy tale, a myth. It’s not real. It’s scientifically impossible to see a red thread. Things like that don’t exist.”, Ash insisted stubbornly.

“You haven’t seen it.”, Eiji stated the obvious. “But I have.”

“Then, we’re not soulmates. We can’t be.”

“Ash, do you really believe that? You have felt it, too, right? How our souls intertwined and connected on a deeper level? The soft breeze surrounding us?”

Ash wanted to get up and leave but stopped in his tracks when he saw the sadness and hurt displayed in Eiji’s eyes. He reluctantly sat back down and shook his head. “No, I don’t. I’m sorry, Eiji. I’ve hurt you by saying that. But why can’t I see it? I feel so stupid.”

“When you were talking to Nadia, Shorter told me you’re a genius. Is that true, or was he just mocking me?”

“I wish everybody would stop saying that. I’m not a genius. How can I ever have a normal life if everybody puts a _genius_ label on me?” Ash ran a hand through his hair and looked away from him.

“Ok, I promise I won’t call you that again. But you are smarter than most people, right? Then it does make sense that you can’t see the thread.” When Ash’s eyes burnt in irritation, Eiji elaborated further.

“Ash, you don’t believe in the bond. You lost your faith which is understandable after going through so many hardships. You only believe in solid proof, evidence and facts. Because facts are undeniable and never let you down, they give you certainty. So, you can’t believe in abstract matters anymore. Like fate, religion or soulmates. You’re afraid to feel.”

“What’s wrong with relying on logic and reason? Academics?”

“Nothing, of course. But you can’t explain everything with science, Ash. Some things don’t have a logical explanation but an emotional or spiritual one.”

“What do you mean?” He looked at Eiji in confusion, wondering what he was getting at.

“Take you and me, for example. Why are we soulmates? Looking at it from a logical angle and only at first glance, we have nothing in common. You’re smart, handsome, physically strong, a natural leader, according to Shorter, and you think logically. In comparison, I’m ordinary. I have ordinary intelligence, looks and I’m physically weak. I don’t think logically at all but rely on my emotions and my instinct first. My feelings and my artistic and creative senses are my tools as a photographer.

Ash agreed but still wondered what Eiji’s conclusion would be. He was right; they were polar opposites. But what did that mean? And why did they get along so well even if they possessed contrasting personalities?”, he quietly wondered.

“So, only on the surface, we have nothing in common.”, Eiji continued. “We’re like black and white, exact opposites. To top it off, we come from different countries, backgrounds, cultures and ethnicities. We don’t even speak the same language. And yet, we’re soulmates.

Why? If you rely on reason, it makes no sense.” Eiji looked at him intently, waiting for his reaction.

Ash shrugged and returned his gaze. “It doesn’t.”, he finally admitted. “So why are we soulmates? You must have an idea.”

“It’s because we complete each other, Ash. We teach each other what the other one is lacking. I teach you that emotions are necessary and that not everything you do has to be rational and thought through. That sometimes, doing stupid and spontaneous things is just fun. And it’s fun because you just live in the moment and enjoy it. Without thinking about possible consequences.”

“You sound like Shorter. He always gets me in trouble with his crazy ideas.”

“But you did enjoy most of them, right? Because he’s your best friend and you like hanging out with him. Such feelings are essential, and it takes courage to admit them.”, Eiji explained to him patiently.

Ash thought about it, then nodded. “So what do you learn from me?”

“You teach me that I shouldn’t always rely on my emotions, that it’s better to think a decision through before regretting it. I’m a bit naive at times and always believe in the good in people even if they have ulterior motives. It’s probably because I grew up in a small town where people always help each other out.”, he elaborated in more detail.

“Yes, I imagine it would be a great change from a small town to a big city like this.”“You also give me the confidence to believe in myself and my skills as a photographer.

Like when you praised my pictures. It gives me motivation and courage. And it means much more when it comes from you, especially because photos are evil and vicious for you. That’s why I asked you if you’d be ok with me sending you pictures.”Ash noticed how a little smile spread across his face.

“When seeing your photos, I realized that pictures in themselves aren’t evil, that it depends on the person looking through the camera. You have a unique and fascinating way to see the world. Your photos often focus on little details that most people would overlook. And there’s a brilliance and warmth to your photos that makes them special and exceptionally captivating. I’m sure you’ll become a great photographer one day.”

Eiji’s cheeks flushed red with embarrassment before he beamed at him with that radiant smile that made his eyes sparkle in a golden-brown. “Thank you, Ash!”

Ash secretly hoped that he’d see Eiji’s smile more often now. For someone like him who was surrounded by darkness, his genuine smile looked as if the sun was rising and was illuminating everything in a brighter glow . Even if it was raining outside like right now.

“I’m also here to prove to you that kindness and compassion still exist. You’ve given up believing in people, especially adults, because you grew up in a living hell surrounded by monsters, devils and murderers. So, you lost your faith in humanity.” There it was again— Eiji’s encouraging smile.

“Still, despite all of that, you have never lost your own humanity. Because there were still some good people around you. Like Nadia, Shorter and Max. You’re amazing, Ash. Despite all your traumatic experiences, your kindness and care for people close to you never wavered.”

“So, I’ll show you that the world can be beautiful. Some people love you, Ash, care about you and worry about you. However, you are your own worst enemy. You push them away because you’re convinced that you don’t deserve such kindness after all the crimes you’ve committed.”

“That’s because I don’t deserve it! I kill people for a living, Eiji! My hands are meant to kill. They can’t heal or help people.”, he stubbornly insisted. Eiji took his hands in his.

“You don’t kill people. You protect people. There are always two sides to everything. A knife or a weapon can kill people but also save people. It’s the same with your hands. When I broke down, your hands comforted and saved me.”, Eiji insisted while his eyes pierced into his. 

“But - “

“Ash, I can feel your emotions, ok? So I know best that you’re kind, smart and strong. Yet, at the same time, I also feel your utter sadness, self-loathing and loneliness. And I’m here to help you see that you’ve done nothing wrong. You were the victim here. Those monsters abusing and hurting you are to blame. Not you! Never you. You just tried to protect yourself and the people you cared for. It probably wasn’t the best way, but it was the only way you could think of at such a young age. You didn’t deserve any of this, Ash.” Eiji moved a bit closer and placed a soft kiss on his forehead, then put an arm around his shoulder.

Eiji’s huge, brown eyes reflected so much warmth and compassion that he wanted to believe him. Maybe Eiji was right..? Without thinking, his head dropped on Eiji’s shoulder. It just felt right. Eiji just leaned towards him as well.

“The way you see yourself is wrong. You have just been called a monster or a devil for so long that you started to believe it’s the truth. It isn’t! You’re not a killer, you’re a survivor, maybe even a hero. And I’ll keep telling you that until you believe it yourself. You’re not alone anymore.”

“Thank you, Eiji. I’m glad I found you. I couldn’t wish for a better soulmate. Please stay by my side. It doesn’t have to be forever. Just for now.”

“Of course, I’ll stay forever, Ash. We’re both lost souls, but together we fill up each other’s emptiness and the void in our hearts. We need each other, Ash. To learn from each other and grow stronger together. A bond isn’t about logic. It’s about our emotions, wishes, hopes and dreams. It’s about our true selves and sincere emotions we don’t want anyone else to see. And about sharing negative feelings, our darkest secrets, and our most terrifying fears with someone to ease the pain and heal. It’s all about finding a balance of good and evil in our lives. By sharing all of that, we find a balance, a way out of the darkness, and towards happiness and a bright future. We’ll never be alone because we share everything. Our hearts and souls are intertwined forever, and we share the same fate.”

Ash sat up again, so he could meet his gaze. “If you put it that way, it sounds incredible. I still don’t believe in fate. Or God - “

“But?”, Eiji gently interrupted him, smiling knowingly. Ash returned the smile.

“But now that I understand why we’re soulmates, I believe steadfast in our bond. And especially in you. Do you think it could work now?”

“Let’s try again and find out. And if it doesn’t, we’ll keep trying.”, Eiji promised him.

They intertwined their hands again, and this time, Ash took it more seriously and concentrated on their bond with a burning determination. He didn’t want to disappoint Eiji again, and he was curious how the red thread looked like. He still didn’t believe in stories like that, but he believed in Eiji and his words.

When he opened his eyes this time, he saw it. He stared at it with wide eyes and let go of his hand, moved his hand farther away and then closer again. The thread adapted to the movement and stretched or shortened accordingly. Ash was relieved and felt slightly guilty at the same time. He had been scared because he couldn’t see it before and had even doubted their bond for a fraction of a second. So, he was glad that he saw it now. All the tension left his body, and the first real smile escaped his lips as he beamed at Eiji.

“You should smile like that more often. It looks great on you and lights up your green eyes.”

Then his gaze shifted to the thread between their hands.

“If you concentrate hard enough, you can always see it. But usually, its color fades away again after a moment, and it stays invisible. But the thread is essential, Ash. It’s our lifeline. If one of us is in danger, the thread will tell the other one. It can also show you a way to save your soulmate. Or lead you to him. The thread is unbreakable. It can stretch, tangle, shorten, but it will always be there to guide us. So, if the thread becomes suddenly visible or you feel some movement coming from it, listen to it. It wants to tell you something important.”

Ash nodded absentmindedly, thinking about all these strange explanations that Eiji had taught him. He touched the red thread as if it would break any second. There was no way this could be real. From an academic point of view, such a thing shouldn’t exist. It belonged to the world of fiction, fairy tales and myths. Even so, the thread was visible, even touchable, so that Ash couldn’t deny its existence any longer.

Maybe Eiji was right, and not everything could be explained by reason. Until now, he had never really believed in such a bond. Of course, he had felt it and had thought that he had a special connection to Eiji, but he hadn’t believed in all that crap about fate, soulmates and shared destinies. But now that Eiji had shown him solid proof and he had seen it with his own eyes, he finally accepted the deeper meaning behind their bond.

“Thank you, Eiji. For explaining the meaning of our bond to me. And for not giving up on me when I was confused and questioned that we’re soulmates.”

“It’s fine, Ash. I’m glad you believe now that we’re soulmates.”, Eiji yawned.

Ash checked his watch. “ didn’t realize so much time has passed. It’s already midnight. I should go. You’re an early riser, right? Unlike me.” He got up from the couch and looked around for his jacket, wondering where he had left it.

“No, don’t go!”, Eiji suddenly called out, grabbing his sleeve. Ash stared at him in bewilderment, wondering why Eiji would suddenly overreact like that.

“Sorry. Look out of the window over there. It’s raining heavily, and there’s a storm raging outside. How did you get here?”, he asked him, a hint of worry in his voice.

“By motorcycle. Why?”

“What do you mean why? Driving a motorcycle in such a weather is suicide. Please stay here. I’m sure the weather will be better in the morning.”, he suggested.

However, something didn’t feel right. Eiji wasn’t looking at him, and he had tensed up.

When he looked more closely, he noticed that his hand grabbing his sleeve was trembling.

He closed his eyes for a moment and concentrated on the bond. That’s when he realized it. Eiji wasn’t worried. He was seriously scared. With a start, he remembered what he had told him this morning.

‘ _I’m just tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night.’_

Fuck. His awful memories that Eiji had seen, had probably been the reason why he was so scared. He sat down again and looked at Eiji.

“Eiji, tell me the truth. The reason why you didn’t sleep last night was because you suffered from nightmares, right?”

“No, that’s not - “, Eiji began, then abruptly stopped.

“Don’t lie to me!”, he exclaimed a bit too harshly. He took a deep breath to calm himself down before continuing. “I felt it through our bond. At first I thought it was just worry but then when diving deeper into the bond, I realized you were scared. Scared to be alone.”

When Eiji didn’t reply, Ash scrutinized his face. He had paled considerably and droplets of sweat were running down his face while he avoided his gaze. Ash instinctively knew he was right. He moved closer and hugged him, his arms loosely around him, in case that wasn’t allowed. Yet, Eiji returned the hug, clinging to him sobbing quietly into his chest.

“You told me that a bond works both ways and that I shouldn’t push you away. Then, why are you pushing me away? I know I’m bad at comfort but I want to help you, too.”

Eiji visibly flinched at that, then pulled out of the hug to look into his eyes.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, Ash. I do have nightmares. I should have been honest with you. I just feel so pathetic compared to you.”

“I have nightmares, too. Terrifying ones. I know how that feels.”, he admitted as sincerely.

“Do you want me to stay? Nightmares are less terrifying if you’re not alone and feel safe.”

Eiji just smiled at him and nodded, relaxing at once.

After they had cleared the table and had done the dishes, Ash borrowed one of Eiji’s pajamas and they went to bed. When Eiji had switched off the light, Ash put an arm around him and pulled him closer.

‘ _You’ll sleep better if you feel my presence. Don’t worry, I won’t overreact. Your touch has never hurt me. It always soothed me. Maybe I can do the same for you.’_

_‘Thank you, Ash.’_

Eiji snuggled closer to him, putting his head on his chest. Ash pulled the blanket a bit higher, then pulled his arm more tightly around him. He carefully watched Eiji for a while, waiting until he was sleeping soundly. Then he drifted to a deep sleep as well.

It was the first time in months that he slept through the night without any interruptions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for drawing fan art for my story. It was fun working together with you. 
> 
> Here’s her Twitter account

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you’ll like this story as well. I really love the idea that everyone has a soulmate that they share a soul or one half of a soul with🥺
> 
> If you enjoyed reading it, please leave a comment, a vote or a bookmark/subscription.
> 
> They mean the world to me✨


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